Here’s a Test for a True Friend

Chanie and I are overwhelmed with joy and gratitude to Hashem on the engagement of our son, Ephraim, to Basheva Fox from Pretoria. At long last, our very own South African daughter-in-law—to join the many beloved South African friends in our Central family!

Engagements are joyous moments filled with light, celebration, smiles and L’chaims. Yet, as many of us know, the strength of a marriage isn’t measured in the easy days. It is tested in the trying ones.
There is a story told of a Chassidic rabbi who said: “I did not learn the meaning of love in a synagogue. I did not find it in a holy book. I learned it in a bar.”

Two old friends were arguing over drinks. One turned to the other and asked,
“Do you love me?” The friend replied, “Of course I love you. We’ve been through everything together.”

“Then tell me”, the first pressed, “what causes me pain?”

The friend looked puzzled. “How would I know what causes you pain?”

The man set down his glass and said, “If you don’t know what hurts me, how can you say you love me?”

The Rabbi’s conclusion was simple: real love is not just about knowing what makes someone smile, it’s about understanding what makes them cry.

That lesson reaches far beyond personal relationships. It also speaks to the bond between nations.

America has stood by Israel in moments of war and terror, when we feel isolated and vulnerable. Israel has been America’s steadfast partner in a region of turmoil.

Their love, like the Rabbi’s parable, is proven not in comfort, but in crisis – when each is able to say “I know what hurts you and I will not let you face it alone.”

Whether or not President Trump was forewarned about the strike in Doha is irrelevant in the big picture. The US and Israel don’t just share interests – they share pain. When Israel is attacked, America feels it. When America faces threats, Israel stands with her.

Today marks 24 years since September 11. As one who grew up living in NY, I remember the terror attack that forever changed the city – and the world.

This Saturday night we begin reciting selichot, the haunting prayers of forgiveness that usher in the High Holiday season. They remind us what love truly demands. Selichot are not only about asking G-d to overlook our failings, but about awakening our own capacity for compassion.

We are asking ourselves: Have I noticed what breaks the spirit of my spouse, my friend, my community, my people? Have I cared enough not only to celebrate their joy, but to sit with their sorrow?

That’s what our prayers mean when we say: “You sustain the living with lovingkindness.”

And then immediately the prayer defines love not by sentiment, but by attentiveness:
“You revive the dead. You uphold the fallen. You heal the sick. You free the bound.”

When we whisper these ancient words, we train our hearts to notice. To notice where we’ve hurt others. To notice the hidden wounds of a friend, a people, a nation. To notice – and to be there.

Because love isn’t proved in the light. It is revealed in the dark. When we stand by one another, and say “You don’t have to go through this alone.” That is love. And that is the path selichot calls us to walk.

Join us for a moving musical Selichot at Central to walk this path together. Details below. I look forward to seeing you all.
Good Shabbos and may we all be blessed with Simchot and good news!

Rabbi Levi and Chanie Wolff